If you’re about to jump into the dating world after being in a long-term relationship, I am worried for you.
Especially if you haven’t dated for over… fifteen years.
Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg’s book called Modern Romance will tell you why.
His book which explores dating in many forms: the past, the present and dating around the world, makes it clear that our feelings of wanting to find love haven’t changed but the method has taken a turn, to say the least.
The Dating Gap
In retrospect, dating in the olden days seems idealistic.
According to the book and of course stories from our not-so-old friends and relatives, often a friend of a friend or a person who lived close to you would have been your potential suitor, making the dating pool smaller. It wasn’t perfect but in many ways, it made choosing a partner a lot less complicated.
Now daters are faced with a double-edged sword. On the one hand, the dating pool stretches across the world and on the other hand for many daters, it seems like the endless possibilities hold people back from wanting to truly settle down.
Getting Over the Dating Hurdle
The possibilities might seem endless but Aziz Ansari offers the reader a few suggestions to defeat this issue.
The one that stood out to me goes against the current dating scene: find someone you like and concentrate on them.
Everyone seems to be dating three or more people, holding on to options. That might protect your heart in the short-term but not only does it take a lot of energy, it also stops you from getting to know one person well and diving into a connection that has solid foundations. This advice which was normal not so long ago is something modern daters could revisit, maybe even making it normal again.
Get in the Game
The hardest thing about dating now is the game: the messaging game. How long should one wait to reply to a message? Is getting inappropriate messages from those types of guys avoidable? Even though the messaging game feels gruelling, Aziz Ansari’s opinion is clear. It sounds simple but remember, you’re talking to a human being (unless it’s a bot that is).
Keeping this in mind takes the edge off the game. So many seem to be a different person online, sometimes even more so on dating apps but keeping the humanness in your mind when messaging might help you to view the person a little differently.
So if you’re just joining the dating scene after being away for a while, although I worry for you, I’m also aware it’s not all doom and gloom.
Aziz Ansari’s book restored my faith in dating apps (well at least a little bit) and offers the reader an inspiring perspective. It would, however, be interesting to see a new edition, cataloguing the effects of the pandemic on Modern Romance. Aziz Ansari, it’s over to you.
Until then, I would definitely recommend that you place Modern Romance on your reading list for 2025.
Title: Modern Romance
Author: Leonie Thomas
Date Published: 31.1.2025
Leonie Thomas 